


I Wish I Could've Made You Stay

by pxstelhansen



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, I APOLOGIZE, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, broganes, klangst, mention of PTSD, platonic keith/romelle, so much angst you guys, too much angst, tw: dissociation, wow i cant believe keith and romelle are best friends and she would die for him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-06-13 09:15:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15361206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pxstelhansen/pseuds/pxstelhansen
Summary: He knew that he lost Lance on January 27th, 2013. He could tell from everything that the boy with ocean eyes neglected to say.





	I Wish I Could've Made You Stay

The words were burned into his brain, and he reimagined the scene. Seemingly harmless words spitting fire into Keith’s heart. 

It wasn’t what he said that’s making Keith feel this way. It’s what Lance didn’t say.

Lance told Keith that he loved him, always have an always will, but here Keith is, sitting on his couch with red eyes and a sore throat as tears openly flow down his emotionless face.

A knock at the door snaps Keith back into reality and out of his dazed state.

“Keith? It’s me, open the door!” Shiro yells. 

“It’s-“ Keith clears his throat, trying to make his voice sound normal. “It’s open!”

“Hey, bro, are you okay?” Shiro asks, putting groceries on the kitchen counter. “What’s wrong?” 

Keith doesn’t know what set him off. Maybe it was his alone time being cut short. Maybe it was Shiro sitting down next to him. Maybe it was someone actually caring? 

“It’s- It’s Lance, he, doesn’t- he doesn’t-“ Keith tries to talk in between sobs. 

“Hey, bud, take your time, okay?” Shiro whispers. 

“Okay... okay...” Keith takes a few deep breaths, attempting to calm himself.

“I’m going to call Matt, Romelle and Allura. They’ll help you feel better.” Shiro says, lightly patting Keith’s back as he walks out of the room. Keith hears Shiro’s concerned voice from another room in their small apartment, and decides he need to lay down.

He walks to his bedroom, the carpet beneath his bare feet the only thing thats keeping him tied to reality.

He feels broken. He feels like Lance broke down his walls, stole his heart and soul and left him a broken, emotionless mess.

His hand touches the cool metal of his door handle, reminding himself to focus on the feeling of the handle in his hand, a trick Shiro taught him.

Whenever he’s feeling overly emotional, Shiro told him to focus on something around him. The smell, the feel. It helps make sure that Keith doesn’t dissociate. 

Shiro said he learned it in therapy for his PTSD. He said he thought Keith could use it for his dissociative disorder.

His room is completely dark when he steps inside. He shuts his door, letting go of the handle, but there’s nothing to for him to focus on. The room is dark, he’s standing on the floor, but what kind of floor is it? He’s not touching anything. 

He immediately lunges for the wall and flicks the light switch up, trying to focus on the plastic. But it’s not working. 

His thoughts aren’t lining up correctly. He doesn’t feel right. He feels like his life isn’t his. He feels like he’s watching himself in a movie when he flops down onto his bed.

He feels like he’s watching himself in a movie when Shiro walks into his room with a sad smile on his face.

He feels like he’s watching himself in a movie when Shiro says that Matt, Allura and Romelle are coming over, and they might be bringing Lance.

He feels like he’s reading from a script, lines memorized to perfection, performing a scene out of a drama when he says that’s okay.

“What happened?” Shiro asks, and Keith doesn’t really know how to answer.

He’s screaming his emotions, desperately pleading for them to come out, but his words fall silent as he sits up on his bed, tears partnering with silence flowing down his face.

Keith takes three deep breaths.

In for 3.  
Hold for 5.  
Out for 7.

In for 3.  
Hold for 5.  
Out for 7.

In for 3.  
Hold for 5.  
Out for 7.

He feels himself slip back into his body, and his words are his again. He doesn’t know what the script reads next, he just knows that he can say whatever he needs to.

“Lance h-had been... pulling away? If that’s the right term?” Keith whispers, running a hand through his hair and fighting his fists, pulling his hair in the process. 

He just wants to feel something.

“Go on,” Shiro replies. “take as long as you need.”

“S-So, we were in the park a few days ago, and we were walking silently next to each other. Not holding hands or anything.” Keith sniffles. “So, I look over at him with a serious expression, and I just ask him.”

“What did you ask?” 

“I said, ‘Do you still love me?’” Keith relays.

“What did he say?” 

“He said, ‘Of course! Forever and always!’” Keith mimicked Lances voice, pinching the bridge of his nose in the process, eliciting a more nasally tone.

“So what’s the problem?” Shiro asks, his voice soft. He honestly doesn’t know why Keith is having this big of a breakdown. His boyfriend said he loved him. So, why would Keith be crying? But, he’s trying to be the most supportive brother he can, so he listens, hoping there’s more to the story than just Keith being in love.

“Shiro...” Keith starts, more tears falling down his face. “He didn’t answer me. I had to ask him twice.”

Shiros eyes widen. “I’m sorry, what?”

“I asked him the first time. I said, ‘Do you still love me?’” Keith keeps his face hidden. He can’t stand other people seeing him when he’s down. Even Shiro, who’s seen him at his worst. But, this is the worst he’s felt in a long, long time. Shiro’s never seen him be this broken. “But, he didn’t respond. He just looked over at me with his hands in his pockets.”

“Keith, I am so sorry,” Shiro tries, even though he knows nothing will help at this moment.

“So I asked again. I said, ‘Lance, do you still love me?’ and he said, ‘Of course, babe! Forever and always! Why do you ask?’”

Shiro can see how much Keith is hurting, and how many tears he’s holding back.

“Just let go, Keith.” Shiro says. “I’m here for you.”

So, he does. Keith let’s go. He starts full on sobbing, like, gross sobbing. He knows that he is not a pretty sight. But he doesn’t care anymore.

A knock at the front door breaks up their moment, leaving and angry brother and a heartbroken boyfriend. Well, ex-boyfriend.

Shiro tells Keith he’ll be right back, leaving Keith sitting alone on his red covers he got for Christmas. 

Shiro opens the door, and immediately Keith hears Romelle’s angry footsteps pass by him. 

She bursts through his door, and immediately crushes him in a hug. 

“Hey, Key.” She whispers, moving to sit next to him on his bed.

“Hey, Ro.” Keith’s voice is broken. His heart is broken. He’s just... broken. Lance broke him. Lance tore him down and had no intentions of putting him back together.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Romelle asks, her accent soothing Keith slightly.

“No.” He answers honestly.

“He’s here, Key.” Romelle pulls away from the hug, looking down into violet eyes encased in ruby red where pearl white should be. “Do you want to talk to him?”

“Kind of. I want to tell him how much he hurt me.” Keith manages to get out.

His voice crawls and scratches up his throat whenever he tries to speak, so why does he find himself screaming at Lance?

He doesn’t remember leaving his room.  
He doesn’t remember seeing Lance when he walked into the living room.

But here he is, yelling at Lance as angry tears rush down his face. 

But then he notices it. 

Lance looks miserable.

He looks like he hasn’t slept in days. He looks just as broken as Keith.

“I can’t believe this! You’re not even fighting back? You’re just standing there and letting me yell at you? God, really that’s a new low, even for you!” Keith screams. 

“Keith,” Lance says, letting out an embarrassed laugh and looking around to Matt, Allura and Romelle. “Come on, not here, man.”

“Really? Now you care? You only care when it concerns you, right? Because everything is about you, right?” Keith’s voice starts breaking, hot tears continue to fall down his face as he screams. 

“Keith, seriously, give me a second to talk-“

“No! You said all you had to say! You said it all already! Remember Saturday afternoon, Lance?”

“Yes.” Lance whispers.

“What?” 

“Yes, okay! I do!” Lance yells back.

“It was snowing everywhere, remember that?”

“Yes.”

“We were walking side by side, remember that?”

“Yes.” Lance confirms everything Keith is saying, because he remembers Saturday afternoon so well. He remembers it too well.

“I asked you if you still loved me. Do you remember that?”

“Yes.”

“I had to ask you twice. You hesitated, Lance. But then you put on a fake smile and told me you did.” Keith’s voice lowers to just above a whisper.

Lance doesn’t say anything.

“That’s when I knew I lost you. If you really did still love me, you wouldn’t have hesitated.” Keith says. “You would’ve said yes the first time.”

Lance doesn’t know he’s crying until a tear drops down from his chin onto the carpet.

“That’s what hurt the most, Lance. Not that you hesitated. I mean, yeah, that sucked, so much, but the absolute worst part was that you lied about it.” Keith doesn’t think he can handle this anymore. “And if you were even still my friend, at least, you wouldn’t lie to me.”

Keith starts walking towards his bedroom.

“Keith,” Lance says, trying to stop Keith from walking away. 

“Just stop, Lance.” Keith whispers. “Just stop.” 

He walks into his room and shuts the door. He turns off the lights, gets into his bed, and cries for hours and hours and hours. 

Keith hates the month of January.

**Author's Note:**

> lmao sorry guys i write a lot of angst


End file.
